Psychologist reveals the 8 love archetypes we all fall into

Psychologist reveals the 8 love archetypes we all fall into


Are you a wounded warrior, a hopeless romantic or a free spirit? Psychologist reveals the 8 love archetypes we all fall into – and what they mean for YOUR relationships

  • Psychologist Dr Carmen Harra has revealed how to work out your love pattern
  • From research and 28-year career, Dr Carmen has discovered eight archetypes
  • The eight models include the independent, who struggles with commitment 

A psychologist has revealed the eight ‘love archetypes’ that determine the way people operate within a relationship – and how to discover which yours is.

Dr Carmen Harra, American author of Committed: Finding Love and Loyalty Through the Seven Archetypes, has revealed exclusively to FEMAIL how to work out what your love pattern is through a simple quiz.

Understanding which model best describes your ‘falling-in-love’ style can help explain why you stick to certain behavioural patterns when you are romantically involved.

From her research, Dr Carmen has discovered eight archetypes – including the independent, who struggles with commitment, the free spirit who will struggle to ever know what they want and the hopeless Romantic, who is an idealist of ‘epic proportions’.

Dr Carmen explained: ‘As a psychologist who’s heard tens of thousands of cases over the span of 28 years, I noticed that the same types of people kept cropping up—people unrelated to each other but displaying almost identical qualities. 

‘I began to comprehend that personality traits descend from archetypes and that a person’s very behaviour is steered by this higher design. I noted that people come with sets of characteristics. I believe a person’s archetype is encoded in their genes, even if it’s not physically apparent.

Learning your and your love interest’s archetypes will provide insight into the motivation behind certain behaviours and guide you to make better decisions that lead to happier, healthier relationships.’ 

Answer these questions to discover your and your partner’s love personalities and understand the way they impact your relationship:

A psychologist has revealed the eight ‘love archetypes’ that determine the way people operate within a relationship – and how to discover which yours is (stock photo)

1. After an argument with your partner, which of the following are you most likely to do?

A. Take a step back, go out, and ignore my partner’s calls for a while.

B. Go in to work or start on a work project to distract myself from the argument.

C. Expect an apology from my partner and treat myself to feel better about what happened.

D. Reevaluate the whole relationship and end it if I think it’s not worth it.

E. Apologise and put in effort to try to make things right for my partner.

F. Get stuck inside my own mind, playing scenes over and over again.

G. Go quiet and spend more time by myself, reflecting.

H. Talk about it and try to work things out immediately.

2. What character trait do you seek most in a partner?

A. A person who can stand on his or her own feet.

B. A person who can support me in my work and understands my career is paramount.

C. A person who will compliment me and make me feel good about myself.

D. A person who thinks outside the box and has unconventional ideas about the world.

E. A person with whom I can have a devoted, lifelong relationship.

F. A person who can help me heal and leave my past behind.

G. A person who inspires trust and makes me want to open up to him or her.

H. A person who sees me as his or her equal in a relationship.

3. What do you think about most frequently throughout the day?

A. How I can advance in my personal goals.

B. Strategies to further my career and other work-related thoughts.

C. What I need to do to maintain my image or appearance.

D. I think about the present moment and what I’m doing right now.

E. How to improve my relationship and make my partner feel content.

F. Things that I regret doing or feel guilty about.

G. Thoughts I’m content keeping to myself instead of sharing with others.

H. How I can become the best version of myself.

4. Who or what influences you to take the decisions you take?

A. Myself: I’m an independent thinker and follow my own logic.

B. My work: My career comes before my love life.

C. The outside world: I’m on top of trends and topics.

D. The moment: I tend to make decisions based on what I’m feeling then and there.

E. My partner: I consider him or her, my other half.

F. My emotions: I often act on emotions like fear, bitterness, or anger.

G. My intuition: I believe I know inside what I should do.

H. Myself and my partner: I take into consideration both my and my partner’s opinions.

5. Which of the following is most important to you?

A. Becoming an established individual with a strong sense of identity.

B. Achieving a high level of success and recognition for my hard work.

C. Being seen by others as powerful and desirable.

D. Trying new things and experiencing life to the fullest.

E. Creating an unbreakable bond with another person.

F. Find myself in more positive situations than I have been in before.

G. Elevating my intellect and working on myself from the inside out.

H. Becoming a well-rounded individual who is able to adjust to any circumstance.

 6. Which of the following scares you the most?

A. Giving up part of myself to another person.

B. Failing in my job or being fired.

C. Being put down or seen as inferior or unworthy by others.

D. Getting tied down in something I don’t really want or can’t keep up with.

E. Watching my relationship fall apart or being unable to fulfil my partner.

F. Getting hurt again or going through trauma.

G. Opening up too soon or to the wrong person.

H. I don’t think I’m afraid of anything.

7. Which of the following do you most enjoy receiving from a partner?

A. Personal space, ‘no questions asked,’ and freedom to express my individuality.

B. Support in my work, endeavours, and projects.

C. Compliments, admiration, and encouragement.

D. Spontaneity, playfulness, and no strings attached.

E. Unyielding devotion and total commitment.

F. Patience, compassion, and sympathy.

G. Deep conversations and mental stimulation.

H. Flexibility, mutual effort, and understanding.

8. Which of the following motivates you most from day to day?

A. Being free to accomplish my dreams and ambitions.

B. Reaching a higher status in my career.

C. Attaining material gains such as a house, car, possessions, and other luxuries.

D. Being ‘different’ from others and carving my own unique path through life.

E. Giving love to and receiving love from my soulmate.

F. I take it day by day and hope it will be better than yesterday.

G. Cultivating my mind and making it a bright and healthy sanctuary.

H. Adapting easily to change while making the most of my future.

9. Answering honestly, what has been your biggest impediment in relationships thus far?

A. Finding and staying with a partner who will let me be who I am without trying to change me.

B. My partner didn’t agree with my work schedule, lack of time, or hectic routine.

C. The relationship was focused more on ‘me’ than on ‘us’.

D. I haven’t been able to ground myself enough to be in a long-term, committed relationship.

E. I gave too much to the other person and sacrificed to the point that it harmed me.

F. I let my emotions get the best of me and often blew things out of proportion.

G. I don’t like to reveal too much about myself so I couldn’t open up fully to my partner.

H. I tried to find solutions for whatever problems my partner and I were experiencing, but sometimes things just didn’t work out.

10. What does your ideal day consist of?

A. Going to the gym then out with friends.

B. Giving a stellar presentation at work and delegating productive meetings.

C. Showing up to a party in my best outfit and stealing the spotlight.

D. Going on adventures like skiing, surfing, or other outdoor sports.

E. Going to a romantic dinner and movie with my better half.

F. Any day in which I’m at peace with myself and my emotions.

G. Redecorating my home then curling up with a good book.

H. I make the most out of every day.


Now find out what your answers mean… 

If you answered mostly As, you might be an Independent: 

Dr Carmen says: ‘The Independent’s struggle with commitment is caused by his individualistic and detached nature. Of the seven archetypes, the Independent is most reluctant to enter a relationship because he fears a partner will compromise his cherished freedom. The Independent is defined by his need to be on his own, and this becomes true not only in his love relationships but many other areas of his life. The Independent doesn’t look to what others are doing; he forges his own path.

The Independent needs a partner who’s able to give him his space and time to do things he enjoys. He does not want to hear his partner beg to see him or lay out the obvious logic of why they should spend more time together. He wants his partner to keep busy and tend to his or her own needs. Commitment with the Independent requires baby steps. Because he’s used to doing things a certain way, coming on too strongly will backfire. Instead, letting things come from him is key. Communication with the Independent is essential because this archetype means what he says and says what he means.

If you answered mostly Bs, you might be a Workaholic: 

The Workaholic has built his life around his work. In fact, he chose his career long before he chose his significant other. But he still wants the best of both worlds—the successful job and the perfect partner— and he isn’t willing to compromise. Under no circumstances can the Workaholic be with a stultifying, possessive person who holds him back from carrying out his mission; his partner will have to be supportive of his career and responsibilities. He sees the partner who’s constantly on top of him as another liability, not an asset that adds to his life. The Workaholic will let go of a person who’s not contributing to his growth in the same way he’ll fire an employee who’s not performing up to his expectations.

Making a Workaholic commit entails that his partner embrace his career wholeheartedly. He may work long hours or have a hectic schedule, but once he’s attached to his partner, he or she will become an indispensable part of the Workaholic’s life. Helping him in little ways goes a long way: the Workaholic appreciates a partner who can create a schedule for his deadlines, pack his lunch on ultra-busy days, confirm his appointments, and so on. Though the Workaholic is more rational than romantic, he still needs an outlet to release emotions that become bottled up due to the heavy demands of his career. Thus, he should be encouraged him to talk, relax, and engage in activities that discharge stress.

If you answered mostly Cs, you might be a Narcissist:

The Narcissist has crossed the boundary from empowerment to entitlement, where there is too little humility and too much hubris. His heightened ego and selfish inclinations preclude him from bonding fully with others, which can make him seem emotionally superficial and cause serious relationship problems. The Narcissist may have trouble paying enough attention to his partner or giving his partner what he or she needs because his focus is so often on himself. But if these character tendencies are mitigated, the Narcissist can commit to a relationship.

It’s pivotal to the relationship to let a Narcissist think he’s ‘right,’ but only up to a certain point. Once his complacency starts getting in his partner’s way or holding him or her back, it’s time to address the issue. A Narcissist may become defensive, since confrontation unseats him from his cozy throne. The partner who chooses to be with a Narcissist cannot be weak; he or she will have to be as tough as the Narcissist is to keep up a relationship with him. Please note that a Narcissist in the archetypal sense does not mean you have NPD, or Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

If you answered mostly Ds, you might be a Free Spirit: 

This archetype is undecided in all that he does: from relationships to work to hobbies, the Free Spirit has trouble sticking to commitment in multiple aspects of his life. This man may claim he wants to have a relationship but abandons ship when things get serious. This kind of irrational behavior can leave his partner bemused and blaming him or herself when in reality, the Free Spirit contends with the notion of commitment itself. In short, the Free Spirit simply doesn’t know what he wants. He may have a faint idea, but when thinking comes to doing, the Free Spirit can’t execute. To teach him to pull through, his partner will first have to help the Free Spirit find his authentic self and act on it.

The Free Spirit needs to manage conflictual tendencies so that he learns how to allow his emotions to come and go without always acting on them. His partner can help by setting little goals for him and encouraging him to carve one path for himself and stay on it. The Free Spirit should be reminded of how rewarding it is to commit to something and see it through to the end. The more he learns how to stick to one job, project, or belief, the more likely the Free Spirit is to stick to one relationship.

If you answered mostly Es, you might be a Hopeless Romantic:

The Hopeless Romantic is an idealist of epic proportions. He wholeheartedly believes in love but is a bit aimless and tactless. A dreamer and not a doer, the Hopeless Romantic yearns for commitment but doesn’t know how to approach a relationship in a rational and clear-sighted way. He falls in love easily, throwing himself into romances blindly and often with unsuitable partners. In truth, he may be more in love with the idea of love than with the person in front of him. Because he idealises love, he’s not realistic about the messiness that relationships bring.

The Hopeless Romantic’s intentions are genuinely good: he just wants to give and receive love. He’s been ready to commit before he met his current partner. This archetype is unlikely to cheat because he tends to become infatuated with one person only. The Hopeless Romantic is completely open and wears his heart on his sleeve. To keep up a durable relationship, the Hopeless Romantic must become grounded in the real world and exercise practicality and reasonable expectations. If he can comprehend that a well-founded, slow-paced relationship is key, then the Hopeless Romantic can have the lifelong love he dreams of.

If you answered mostly Fs, you might be a Wounded Warrior:

Because he’s been wounded (possibly early in life), the Wounded Warrior experiences a disconnection between the outside and the inside: the smile he wears without doesn’t match the turmoil he feels within. The Wounded Warrior is dealing with demons that he not only doesn’t address but wilfully suppresses. He tries to hide or mask his trauma, often unsuccessfully, until it suddenly boils to the surface. Before he can commit, the Wounded Warrior must gently explore and heal his sunken pain.

To do this, the Wounded Warrior needs to blend his inner and outer sides by gently unravelling his pain, then converting it into power. This means he has to reconcile his past and bridge the two elements of his being that make up one whole and courageous individual. Above all, the Wounded Warrior requires compassion from his partner. He may drive his partner crazy at times with his insecurities, but the relationship depends on his healing.

If you answered mostly Gs, you might be an Introvert:

The Introvert’s struggle is his fear of intimacy and hesitation to release what he feels inside. His bane is his lack of communication, which can be misinterpreted by his partner as secrecy. There exists a discrepancy between what’s shown on the outside and what’s kept inside that’s unique to the Introvert. To be in a committed relationship, the Introvert needs to feel comfortable enough to open himself up to his partner.

The Introvert can become deeply attached to his partner if he or she succeeds in breaking through his emotional and mental boundaries. Becoming comfortable with a person and feeling safe enough to share thoughts and ideas are critical to the Introvert. If he feels disappointed in his significant other, The Introvert will take a few giant steps back. This is a highly imaginative archetype who enjoys having his creativity tested and mind fed. An Introvert will absorb even the most minute details in his surroundings, noticing things that other people easily miss. The Introvert will dedicate himself truly and wholly to the partner who inspires him to let his guard down.

If you answered mostly Hs, you might be a Well-Rounded One:

The Well-Rounded One wants a real relationship and is mentally and emotionally prepared for it. He can offer commitment without having to overcome the emotional and mental hurdles of the other archetypes. The Well-Rounded One has performed his introspective work, or he might not have significant personality faults to begin with. His barriers are lifted; he is able to give and receive love without impediments. He’ll try hard to find solutions for his relationship problems, but he won’t forfeit his well-being for the sake of any partner. Being well-rounded means being versatile, able to adapt to changes and challenges as they come. His number one attribute is his malleability under different circumstances. He’s decent in all senses of the word and doesn’t have layers of psychological complexities to comb through.

To the Well-Rounded One, life is perfect when it’s in balance; he appreciates composure and order more than anything else. His mind is at ease when he has a mission and a sense of purpose.’

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