My wife lied and told me she was a virgin when we met08/27/2021
DEAR DEIDRE: I FOUND out that my wife has lied to me about her past and now our marriage will never be the same again.
We met when we were both 23, married a year later and had two children.
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Everything was wonderful for the first ten years. I truly believed she was my soulmate.
Then my wife started to suffer with mental health problems, which brought out many ghosts from the past.
She had told me she was a virgin when we met, as I was, but that turned out to be a lie. I now know she’d slept with four other men.
It nearly ruined our marriage and we slept facing away from each other for five years.
I couldn’t stop imagining her having sex with other men.
When we did finally start having intercourse again it was no longer making love, just something physical.
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We are both now 42. She’s my best friend, the mother of my children and the only woman I’ve ever loved, but the lies have changed our marriage.
I feel I can’t entirely trust her and that I don’t really know her.
I don’t know how I can get past this in my mind.
DEIDRE SAYS: It’s likely your wife thought she was telling you a white lie about her virginity because she didn’t want to upset you.
It’s such a shame this revelation has had such a bad effect on your marriage.
Putting it behind you would make your relationship, and you, so much happier.
A person’s past is what makes them who they are and, yes, your wife had some previous partners. But it is you she married and you she had children with.
Please seek some counselling, both alone and together with your wife. My support pack, Counselling, explains more about its benefits and how to access it.
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