My wife is in love with her colleague – now she wants us to be a throuple

My wife is in love with her colleague – now she wants us to be a throuple

05/18/2021

DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife is having a fling with a female colleague. Now she expects me to accept this woman into our lives.

We are in our late thirties and in the 12 years we’ve been together, I’ve always felt loved and secure. So this was a real curveball.

We attended the same school but went our separate ways after that.


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Our paths didn’t cross again until our early twenties, when I bumped into her on a night out.

We dated for three years before getting married. We now have two kids together, a boy aged ten and a daughter who’s seven.

My wife works in human resources. The last year she has been really busy with her job, so I didn’t question the longer hours she put in.

But last month she came home from work clearly upset. I assumed something had happened in the office but she said she had something to tell me.

Then she dropped the bombshell that she was in love with somebody else and all those extra hours were actually spent at her lover’s place.

I demanded to know who “he” was — and was gob-smacked when she said it was “she”.

My wife admitted seeing this woman for the past few months and now this colleague was asking her for commitment.

My wife asked whether she could invite her lover around to talk about it.

I thought I’d be press-ganged but in truth I was surprised at how much I liked her.

Her friend is 28 and stayed over — though I realise that broke Covid rules.

My wife showed her to the spare bedroom and stayed there a while.

Then she came into our bedroom and it was obvious they had just been intimate.

After that, my wife was all over me. Can it work long-term with three of us?

DEIDRE SAYS: I doubt it. If your wife’s lover was a man, would you even consider agreeing to her request? My guess is you wouldn’t.

We are all capable of having our heads turned, even in the most loving of relationships. What counts is whether you act on it.

Your wife wants it all. She is cheating and you deserve better. But it is easy to neglect a relationship without realising it.

My support pack on cheating addresses where you might go from here.

Tell your wife you don’t want to share her. How would she explain this to your kids? She is ruining your happy family life.

Insist you both get counselling. Try Relate (relate.org.uk, 0300 003 0396).

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