Mother asks whether it's 'horrible idea' to date 'obese' friend

Mother asks whether it's 'horrible idea' to date 'obese' friend

10/05/2021

Mother asks if she should date her ‘extremely morbidly obese’ friend of 10 years because she likes his company and ‘actually wants to kiss him’ when she’s drunk – but is slammed for treating him as a ‘consolation prize’

  • Anonymous mother, from UK, said friend has ‘insane family’ and is a ‘workaholic’
  • She asked whether she was being ‘unreasonable’ to try and pursue a relationship
  • Many branded mum ‘unfair’ and urged her not to treat him as a ‘consolation prize’

A woman who asked whether it was a ‘horrible idea’ to date her ‘extremely morbidly obese’ friend has been slammed for treating him like a ‘consolation prize’. 

The anonymous mother, from the UK, took to Mumsnet to ask whether she was being unreasonable to consider a relationship with her pal of ten years, who weighs more than 31st, she has only ever wanted to kiss while drunk. 

She said that while her friend is a ‘kind person’ – she thinks his family is ‘insane’, doesn’t find his body attractive, and believes he uses his weight and busy work life to ‘keep people at bay’.

Several users criticised the mother for toying with her friend’s emotions, accusing her of ‘messing with him’ and saying it’s ‘not fair’ to date someone you’re not attracted to. 

A woman who asked whether it was a ‘horrible idea’ to date her ‘extremely morbidly obese’ friend was slammed for treating him like a ‘consolation prize’. Stock image

She wrote: ‘I have known a man for about 10 years whom I have become better friends with in the past year and a half’ 

 ‘As far as I can tell, he is a very kind person and I enjoy spending time with him very much.

‘He is extremely morbidly obese. He also appears to have an insane family and I believe his father may be coercively controlling. (All of his siblings have moved abroad from their parents, but they seem to be a bit on a string). And he is probably a workaholic.’ 

She went on to say that she feels ‘at ease spending time with him’ and has even wanted to kiss him – but only ‘when we have had a lot to drink’.  

The mother went on: ‘But I am worried about his health, I do not find his body attractive, and I am concerned that maybe he uses his fat and his work to keep people at bay.’ 

 

The anonymous mother, from the UK, took to Mumsnet to ask whether she was being unreasonable to consider a relationship with her pal of ten years, who she has only ever wanted to kiss while drunk

The mother added that she was previously coming around to the idea of daying her friend, but she was put off by seeing his stomach sticking out from under his shirt 

The mother was sure that her friend would be interested in dating her, and asked other users whether she would be unreasonable to pursue the relationship.    

‘I left my abusive ex two years ago and am probably lonely, but I am a lot stronger than I once was’, she wrote. 

‘We were texting back and forth today and yesterday, and something in me snapped. He is on holiday and I thought how much I would like to be there with him.

‘Is it a horrible idea to date someone who seems like a good personality match, but who possibly has unresolved issues that lead them not to take care of their bodies?’ 

Several users criticised the mother for toying with her friend’s emotions, accusing her of ‘messing with him’ and saying it’s ‘not fair’ to date someone you’re not attracted to

She added that earlier this year she was ‘edging towards being positive’ about the idea of daying her friend. But then they met up for a walk and she could see his stomach sticking out from under his shirt.

‘I felt a strange rage that he could let himself get into this state and that we would meet someone in public like that,’ she said. ‘I suppose this is just futher evidence that I need to let him go.’

Many users criticised the mum, and accused her of ‘fat shaming’ her friend because of his weight. 

asking: ‘If you don’t find him attractive, why would you date him? Have you ever wanted to kiss him while you were sober? It sounds like he’s just a good friend you enjoy spending time with. It doesn’t need to be more.’ 

‘Leave him alone. Don’t mess with him. It’s not fair’, wrote another.  

A third penned: ‘Don’t date someone you’re not attracted to! You sound lonely, and it’s fine to become closer friends and spend more time together. But you shouldn’t date him just because you’re lonely and he’s there. It’s not fair on either of you.’ 

Some commenters said the mum shouldn’t overthink things, but to let things take their course and see if romance develops 

‘If you have only ‘possibly felt attracted to him’, you really shouldn’t date him. It really won’t end well’, said another. 

‘You seem to think you’d be doing him a favour by going out with him by overlooking all his flaws. That’s not a good position to start from.’

However, a handful took a different view and suggested not putting a label on things, but seeing if romance could develop.  

Other commenters chimed in with their own experiences and warned that dating someone you don’t find attractive will not end well 

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