How I Do It: 'I'm in a long-distance relationship – here's how we make sex work'09/23/2022
For this week’s How I Do It, the series in which a stranger gives us a sneak peek into seven days of their sex life, we hear from Tanya*, who’s in a relationship with a man who lives two and a half hours away.
Tanya, who works as a legal secretary and describes herself as ‘90% straight and the rest bi-curious’, met her partner on Hinge in May.
The 31-year-old says that, while she does find the distance challenging – what with her high sex drive, the lack of things like daily physical affection, and ‘the casual moments most couples share’ – she also feels like it makes her appreciate the time they get to spend with each other even more.
Sex is very important to Tanya, who says she couldn’t be in a relationship in which there was bad sex, saying: ‘It wouldn’t last long.’
Even though she has been cheated on herself, she adds: ‘Sorry to say, but it’s too important a connection to not have, and I have always understood why people cheat when they’re not satisfied.’
While Tanya enjoys being submissive in the bedroom, she’s also enjoyed being able to explore her more dominant side with her partner.
For instance, even before they started sleeping together, Tanya knew her boyfriend enjoys being pegged, and he has a penchant for being on the receiving end of a golden shower.
‘I know these experiences aren’t for everyone – they’re not even ones I thought I would ever partake in,’ Tanya says. ‘But since being with him, he has freed up any sexual restrictions I have long had based on society’s norms, and I love that.’
Today I wake up to a text from the boyfriend.
He’s hungover and rightly so after a two-day stag do. He’s sitting on the flight home and he’s got a screaming kid sat behind him.
I can’t wait to hear all about the mens’ antics later, but as his flight takes off, I wish him a safe journey, dropping in my sexy nickname for him – Golden Boy. I want him thinking about me. I drop him a text mid-air.
A colleague of mine has had a falling out with the guy who she’s been seeing for nine months. He didn’t want to make it official, because a relationship is too much – queue the eye roll.
She threatens to walk away, and success – he’s made her his girlfriend and told her he loves her.
The morning passes without much else happening, but by early afternoon Golden Boy’s horny and excited about our plans for the weekend.
A dose of family drama gets thrown into the mix and sex is now the distraction – we’re shopping on LoveHoney.
I wake up to my daily: ‘Good morning, how did you sleep?’ text. I often hate the cheese that comes along with dating/a relationship, but he’s just so sweet that this makes me smile every time.
However, one thing I don’t feel this morning is sexy. I woke up at 5am with the worst period pains, but with last night’s talk of my new upcoming blonde hairstyle, latex and dildos, the boyfriend is a little too distracted to offer sympathy. Eventually, I make it abundantly clear that I’m suffering, and he cottons on.
If it weren’t for the fact that he’s such a good egg and I didn’t want to put a dampener on our plans for when I see him on Sunday, I would have actually been annoyed.
The morning after pill has most definitely messed up my cycle this month. I’m really paying for the lack of contraception on my part. In our defence, we used a condom, it just came off, and with me in my fertile window and neither of us wanting babies anytime soon, it’s better to be safe than sorry.
A couple hours later and we’ve added some latex gloves to our shopping list. Then we’re in the full swing of it, sexting our plans for the weekend and discussing the possibility of maybe even a few naughty bits outside too.
He knows I love the thrill of it, but not so much actually getting caught, so we’ll play it by ear. Even if it doesn’t happen, it’s still hot to talk about.
A rather uneventful Wednesday on all fronts. I’m working from home today, and aside from a relative’s birthday celebration this evening with cake and a takeaway, I don’t have much planned.
Two days into my period and I’m horny, so I take full advantage of my lunch break – three orgasms later I’m done.
The boyfriend is home and is clearly in the mood, so a few sexts are exchanged before I get caught up with working, leaving him hanging. I know we won’t get back to this until much later tonight, and true to form I reply at 12.30am, giving him a nice little sext to wake up to.
We always have a call in the evening before bed, catching each other up in a lot more detail on what’s been going on, because texting all day just doesn’t work the same. For me, this constant communication, in various forms, is essential to maintaining a long-distance relationship and is one of my favourite parts.
As much as my best friend fills this void when I’m single, it’s not quite the same as telling the person you’re in a relationship with what’s going on with you.
Driving back from an airport drop-off when they decide to close the Blackwell tunnel – fuming! I need to pee, and the standstill traffic fills me with rage.
Thankfully there’s a personal urinal bag in the glove compartment which saves me public embarrassment. Once all is said and done I’m feeling at ease. The experience wasn’t nearly half as bad as some portaloos I’ve used.
I share this with the boyfriend and he still finds me attractive. I sometimes worry about oversharing, but he doesn’t seem easily swayed.
I get home and my sexy shopping order has arrived. I quickly try on a bodysuit and have a little play with a vibrating butt plug before I’m ready to start work.
Of course, I sent my boyfriend a few pics, and he’s very much in the mood now. I don’t really want him to cum prior to Sunday, but that’s not very fair having teased him for the last couple hours, so we FaceTime. He’s set up the tripod for the perfect angle.
Ever so gently, he asks if I could put the latex back on, and I happily oblige. I just need to make this a quick one and get back to work (in less than 15 mins actually, otherwise Teams shows I’m away). With some occasional panning of the cam to my bum, I’m successful. That will tide him over until the weekend.
We speak about the supermoon later just before bed and look forward to a good night’s sleep.
We have a lot of non-sexual conversations today. For instance, there’s a lot of finance chat.
I’d say I’m more of a saving and property kind of girl, but he enjoys stocks and shares. This kind of sets a precedent for the future which we hopefully have, and I’m not mad at it.
I head off on a night out to a gig, but it’s got to be an early night tonight.
Tomorrow is full of pre-holiday prep and I want to look good for Sunday, as it’s going to be a few weeks after that before we see each other again.
I texted my boyfriend at 3.30am telling him I just got home, and he replied at 6am letting me know he’s up off out for his cycle. Honestly, the differences between our lives astound me sometimes.
Later, with my hair freshly done, I send him a little teasing pic. Just enough to get him excited for tomorrow, but he’s already there listing off our plans.
We’ve not made a sex tape yet, but we always speak about it. I think this weekend could be the time. It would certainly help me get through the time difference whilst I’m away.
This holiday fills me with dread thanks to the 10-hour flight with no connection to him and then a huge time difference on top of that.
I get antsy after a just couple hours of no communication. It’s definitely not what I’m used to in this relationship, and I’m filled with anxiety. I don’t like it, but it’s only for a short while – I can cope. I’m pretty sure my best friend would psychoanalyse this and diagnose me with a specific attachment style, but it is what it is.
My partner’s out tonight while I begin the mammoth packing task for next week’s flight. It’s early to bed for me, and I’m fast asleep by 10pm.
I swear I’m never going to bed that early on a Saturday again, I’ve been awake since 6am.
My body is probably as stubborn as my mind. Once I’ve got my eight hours I’m good to go, whether I want to or not. A few ‘wake up, I’m bored texts’ later, and I’ve got him up – result.
While I knew there were train strikes yesterday, I didn’t expect my train to get cancelled less than an hour before departure. Off to Pret I trot to pass the time, and nearly four hours later, I’ve arrived.
I have a large Pinot Grigio in a hotel bar before heading back to his, and I can finally start to relax. After a walk around his house, we’re playing with the chains outside. With his hands bound above his head, I’m instantly turned on but the risk of getting caught is too high.
Inside we go and, slightly disappointed but with latex on, I ride his face until I cum. Then it’s harness and dildo time until he’s ready, and I let him cum in my ass – the only place he can venture today due to a lack of protection but a clean bill of health verified by Sexual Health London (outstanding service I must say, even down to the six-month reminders).
Afterwards, we nibble on edibles and put the ultimate Sunday film, Big Daddy, on the TV. Then we walk in the forest with the dog before dinner.
I must say this has been one of the best Sundays we’ve had to date. It makes me sad that it can’t always be like this due to the distance, but I haven’t stumbled across any red flags so far and so my hope for the future is alive.
*Name has been changed
How I Do It
In Metro.co.uk’s How I Do It you get a sneak peek into a week of a person’s sex and love life – from vanilla love-making to fetishes, threesomes and polyamorous relationships, they reveal it all.
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