The 16 Commandments Of Being A Good Housemate09/08/2019
We recently asked the BuzzFeed Community to tell us the most annoying things that their housemates do, and they delivered.
1.Thou shall always remember thy keys…
“My roommate never wants to take her keys out or forgets, and inevitably gets locked out. One night when I wasn’t home, she got a stranger on the street, at 5am, to kick in our apartment door.”
2.And thou shall always secure the building.
“LOCKING THE DOOR. We live in a decent neighbourhood, but all it takes is one time. It takes two seconds to check if the door’s locked! Ugh.”
3.Thou shall wipe away thy pubes.
“I had a male roommate that I had to believe was purposely pulling pubes off himself and sprinkling them on the toilet seat we both used upstairs. Like several short and curlies evenly spaced apart. Pube art, maybe?
When I noticed it was every single day I figured it was some passive aggressive power move to claim that bathroom so I’d have to use the other. When I confronted him about it he said they must be mine!”
4.Thou shall not let thy S.O. move in for free.
“One girl’s boyfriend pretty much moved in to our house and sat around the all day with the heating on full blast whilst we were out. The final straw came when he starting bringing his drug dealer in and offering our stuff to the dealer as payment when he didn’t have cash…”
5.Thou shall not harbour dishes (and Class A drugs) in thy private quarters.
“My previous flat mate was a really scruffy intellectual type; a really lovely guy. Until bowls, plates, glasses, and other items would go missing.. One day he was out, and left his door open (his room smelt absolutely VILE, like it hadn’t been aired out in about 69 years), so as I closed his bedroom door, I had a little peak. It was scene I do not wish to relive – his room was a complete pigsty, mouldy glasses, fur growing over food, lots of ‘missing’ items like our other flatmate’s workout weights, and the biggest thing, a fuck ton of class A drugs…The moment the landlord found out, he was GONE. Even after he left, the room still had a super funky smell.”
6.Thou shall do thy dishes.
“My former roommate hated having her food touch and would use a minimum of five dishes to reheat food. But she also hated doing dishes and all those would pile up in our sink. We didn’t have a dishwasher and I was left taking care of all of them. There’s a fine line between making a point and living in filth and I chose not to live in filth.”
7.Thou. Shall. Do. Thy. Dishes.
“My boyfriend came back from being away for a week with work to find the same dirty dishes in the sink that had been there when he left. They were his two housemates’ dishes, but he cleaned them anyway. These are adults.”
8.THOU. SHALL. DO. THY. DISHES.
“My former housemate would never do her dishes. When little gnats or bugs would appear, she would simply put her dishes in a bin bag, hide it under the kitchen table and buy new dishes. This went on repeat until the table was practically balancing on the bags of plates. She would then simply open the window and throw the bags in the courtyard four floors down. She was nice, but I left after a couple of months.”
9.Thou shall not covet thy housemates foodstuffs, especially their alcohol.
“My old flatmate drank my beer that was in the fridge, then bought me more to replace them and then drank that as well.”
10.Thou shall respect the sacredness of thy housemate’s bed.
“My housemate let her friends borrow my things when I was not there. One stole a lamp, some had sex in my bed.”
11.Remember thy did not grow up in a barn.
“I had a flatmate who was lovely but you could always tell when she had been in the kitchen. How? She left EVERY cabinet door open….why?! To this day, I still can’t fathom why someone could open a cabinet but not manage to shut it.”
12.Thou shall not take two hour baths (unless you are home alone).
“The first rule of shared houses is generally to check if anyone else needs the bathroom (if there’s only one) before you have a shower or bath. I had a housemate who wouldn’t do that and then proceed to have a two HOUR long bath. It happened so many times and one time I ended up having to go to a friend’s house to use the toilet!“
13.Thou shall respect your housemate’s sleep schedule.
“I had a housemate who would come into my room without knocking in the middle of the night, wake me up, and talk about the ‘love of her life’ (he said hi to her at a party once…).”
14.Thou shall purchase thy own bathroom supplies.
“I hate when people use all my bathroom supplies (toilet paper, shampoo, laundry soap) and never replace them, now I hide everything in my room.”
15.Thou shall be a model pet parent.
“My roommate has a dog, which I knew before moving in and was super excited about. That quickly changed once she started viewing me as her designated dog-sitter. Again, I wouldn’t really mind, but she never asks me. She’ll just disappear for days at a time and expect me to care for her pet. The dog also sheds like crazy and she refuses to clean the dog hair. It’s disgusting.”
16.Thou shall keep thy sex toys in thy private quarters.
“She left a huge bag of her sex toys (like over 10 different toys!) in the bathroom closet for me to find!”
17.Thou shall remember to keep it down even when they are getting down.
“My roommate literally never cleans and has very loud sex (only lasts about five minutes though so RIP her).”
Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
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