17 Hilarious Sex Horror Stories About People Losing Their Virginity08/03/2019
We recently asked the BuzzFeed Community for their funniest, most awkward stories about losing their virginity. Here are the hilarious results.
1.The supportive, but critical older sister:
I shared a room with my older sister. She was in her bed — 10 feet away — the first time I had sex with my boyfriend. We thought we were being really sneaky; however, she casually rolled over and told my boyfriend he was doing it wrong given how quiet I was.
2.The Lord’s Day:
His dad, whose bed we used, was super religious, and there was a picture of Jesus right above it. Jesus literally watched me lose my virginity.
3.The mid-coitus call:
I was 16 years old and on vacation when I snuck out with a boy I’d met. We were having sex when he got a FaceTime call from my cousin, who I was also on vacation with. AND HE ANSWERED IT! I will never forget the look on my cousin’s face when she realized that he hadn’t stopped pounding me to answer the call.
4.The NuvaRing toss:
My NuvaRing came out on his dick like a ring toss. It was both of our first times, and neither of us knew if that was normal, so we had to Google it. For the record, it’s definitely not.
5.This is so much worse than a booger:
The first time I gave a blowjob, cum came out my nose.
6.The worst time to ever pass gas:
The first time I ever got a blowjob, I farted right as I came. Worse than that, after I was done coming, she looked up at me and asked, “Did you fart?” I was mortified!
7.This gross interruption:
My first time was at my birthday party, and some kid came in and threw up on my floor. We had to stop to ask my mother where the carpet cleaner was.
8.This could be on an episode of Grey’s Anatomy:
There was a sign hanging above my bed that apparently wasn’t super secure. The bed knocked against the wall as we had sex, causing the sign to fall down and hit my boyfriend really hard on the forehead. We ended up having to go to the ER for stitches.
9.And TBH, so could this one:
He was going down on me and accidentally bit me. We had to stop because I swelled up like a balloon.
10.The knee-jerk reaction:
While he was removing my pants and and underwear, I accidentally kicked him straight in the face.
11.The legend of the lost tampon:
It was the last day of my period, and I forgot I still had a tampon in until it was too late. The tampon got pushed up so far that I couldn’t get it out. He offered to try and was eventually able to fish it out and tossed it across the room. He found it the next morning, and we both just burst out laughing.
12.The joke that just didn’t land:
After we had sex for the first time, I high-fived him. We were always joking, so I thought he’d think it was funny. He did not.
13.A vagina vacuum:
We were having sex and he was about to ~finish~, so he asked me where I wanted him to “release.” He pulled out, only for me to realize the condom had come off inside me. He jumped up and ran to the bathroom, while I laid there alone fishing for the lost, bloody condom.
14.The first-time face:
I’m a lesbian, and it was my first time with my first girlfriend. I was trying to be sexy by eating her out, but I didn’t know what I was doing. I gave one big lick, and my face scrunched up in disgust.
15.The double doggy:
He didn’t close the door to the room we were in because no one was home. We were having sex doggy-style, and then his dogs came in and licked my face just as my boyfriend started to finish.
16.This unrealistic expectation:
Having been quite a connoisseur of porn but being totally inexperienced, I thought porn was how things really went. At one point I started to suck his toes because for some reason they always seem to do that in porn! He stopped me and was like, “Yeah, don’t do that, that’s not really a thing.” I was mortified!
17.Naked and afraid:
After we had sex, I fell down the stairs of his apartment. Naked.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and clarity.
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